And just in case you're saying, "Ev, he's not religious". You're mistaken. I'm pleased to announce that I have accepted Ronnie James Dio as my personal Lord and Saviour.
I made this decision years ago when I was still a Tongue-Speaking Pentecostal. After Jimmy Swaggert got caught with a whore and PTL went tits-up, I realized Jesus hadn't done shit for either one of these ministries and that it was the gullibility of the Red State masses keeping them in Prime Rib and Lincoln Continentals. Dio had just left Black Sabbath and I was going around my christianist school listenting to Holy Diver and Mob Rules on my tape Walkman.

One day it dawned on me, Ronnie's never been busted with a dead whore full of bundles of cocaine and a trashcan full of disregarded "prayer requests" from the people who keep him prosperous. Fine Dio means God in Latin anway \m/etal up your ass, you pew-warming mongoloids!