X X X Huge Mellons Redheads X X X

How disappointing for you. I almost feel bad but I've gotta tell you, I don't get porn. Well, in my inbox I get mounds of it.

Ever since I was in highschool, my buddies would bring over dog-eared, forebodingly sticky periodicals of every perverse act imaginable.

Newsweek was so full of hot sticky Iran-Contra debachery that it even had a full-page photo of Lt. Col. Oliver North with his uniform off.

My friends also brought pornography by and I never saw the attraction.

And it wasn't because God was displeased, either. I could care less what your concept of a tyrannical deity likes or doesn't like; I'm a humanist. I see no more use for pornography than religion or hard drugs. I'm not advocating censorship, because somebody out there somewhere probably finds my collection of Evan Dorkin's Milk'n'Cheese to be offensive. I'm just saying that porn seems to be the playground of the unlaid and the repulsive and it degrades the already tenuous nature of the human race as a whole.

Look I'm not making the "Porn Degrades Women" argument because, unless some woman has been kidnapped, stripped and photographed against her will, she's making better bank on her back than I make upright. Hey, if you can cash a check for your exposed genitals rather than getting arrested like I would, puss it up for the lens girlfriend.

What I'm saying is that people's unhealthy obsession with voyeurism is matched only by other people's obsession with exhibitionism.

I have no intention of actively interfering with these two distinct groups from getting together to "Show you mine". That's their constitutional right in the US and is openly embraced in every other country in the world where somebody's concept of a tyrannical deity doesn't constitute public policy.

No, I will not join your moral crusade against what other people, regardless of how pathetic in my lame-ass opinion, choose to view on the internet or the privacy of their DVD player.


But I'm just venting my disdain for the fact that there is an entire industry dedicated to the over-exposure of what constitutes a largely private occurrence between two or more consenting adults, a goat and an industrial vat of lard.

If that's your thing, go for it...I'm just saying...WTF???